How To Argue Smart

Apr 15, 2022
𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙪𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙩, 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙨 𝙄 𝙨𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩.
It also reminded me of my nearest environment while growing up, as the ones closest to me, more often than not, said things to each other they can never take back.
The lesson of that moment was, conflicts equals pain and suffering.
From my own experience of being a child, plus observing other parents, kids learns by example, not by words.
And so behold Me as I began dating years later, unconsciously repeating the same patterns I once only observed.
If I engaged in an argument, especially within in a relationship, my reaction was to
🔥 defend
🔥 attack
🔥 retreat
🔥 disconnect
By falling and getting back up, learning from these experiences, and most importantly doing communication trainings, nervous system regulation practices, working on my trauma triggers and much more, we come to now
where I Still Argue
but smarter.
With more ease
more grace
for what is going on within me
and within the person in front me.
while our humanity Heart IQ is maturing
and our family & school outdated educational system begins to teach these essential life skills
let us practice how to
Argue Smarter.
PS: I can talk and share about this topic for days as I love it so much, but let me begin with the 9 most essential tips:
1# Create agreements on how to approach and resolve conflicts. Structure will give a clear direction to support the return to love.
2# Practice listening and receiving in silence while the other one is sharing. Don't try to fix, give advice, comfort. All you gotta do is listen with your heart open.
3# If one begins to blame, shame, judge, emotionally vomit, raise their voice or use profanity, the other one would use PAUSE or STOP, which immediately needs to be honoured by stopping the conversation.
4# If you feel triggered and upset, take a walk, use emotional release tools or anything that helps you to discharge before re-starting the conversation.
5# Stay with the present. Don't bring up old laundry and stories from the past.
6# Do you want to be right or you wanna reconnect? You cannot do both. Keep your heart and mind open, even if you don't agree on everything you hear.
7# Remember that tension is connection wanting to happen. An invitation and an opportunity to deepen the love between each other.
8# You are both on the same team, remind each other that verbally. Some couples even buy the same sport shirt and hat to wear during a conflict.
9# Forgive quickly. We are all do or say hurtful things, but moving on and growing from that place together is what matters the most.
Peace and Love.

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